Every now and then I think I’m wrong.

I have massive trust issues. I was raised in an uber-christian family. I’m autistic and queer, so you can imagine how well that part of my life went.

Throw in abuse, being used and laughed at for being gullible about it and a tempering in the fires of sales to the high power US Gov’t and you get someone like me.

Who doesn’t trust ANYONE. Except maybe my kids, and then only so long as I have my eyes on them.

I had four people I sort of thought of as friends unfollow me on twitter today. It isn’t the first time there’s been a mass-exodus and I’ve been subtweeted all day. OFor pointing out that authors are public figures and need to remember that they’re running a business.

Oops?

I’m not the only one who has noticed that and mentioned it.

I figured one would UF, I’ve had the feeling they were looking for a reason to ‘politely’ do so for a while now. The other three surprised me.

Of course, it hurts.

But like I said, it’s not even close to the first time something I have said or done by being who I am, autistic, logically minded and honest… well, it’s not the first time it’s cost me something I’d rather not have lost.

But I guess I was the only one dumb enough to think we were friends.

Oh well.

Plaster on yet another scar. I’m good at carrying those.

I’m eying a few others to see if they’ll jump ship. My being me… hasn’t ever changed. I’ve always been… me.

So I don’t know why it seems to take people so long to figure out they hate me? That they really AREN’T that open minded at all.

Maybe they were all just waiting for an excuse to UF me. Who the fuck knows. I’ll never understand the way neurotypicals think, I just won’t.

I really don’t know why I bother trying, it hurts me every, damned, time.

7 comments on “Every now and then I think I’m wrong.

  1. KatieFlynn says:

    I recently deactivated my Facebook and Instagram. I don’t know, sometimes you’re better off with only those who love you, or complete strangers 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  2. niccihaydon says:

    I’m not one for replying to blog posts very often. I’m actually a pretty private sort of person. But I really feel like I have to say something, so I’m replying again.

    Keep being you (I’m sure you were going to anyway). That was what attracted me to you on Twitter in the first place – I saw you speaking your mind. We won’t see eye to eye on everything. There will be loads of things we disagree about. But do you know what? That’s kind of the point. If you only ever surround yourself with people that see the world the same way you do then how are you ever going to grow as a person?

    It’s not like you’re bigoted, extremist or hurtful. You’re never those things. In fact, of all the people I know (definitely including myself) I think you’re the one that makes the biggest effort to be inclusive, no doubt because of your own experiences. I didn’t see your post on Twitter that you’re referring to here, but I don’t need to. You have a right to your opinion, and you have a right to voice it.

    Don’t let it get you down that some can’t accept that XXX

    Liked by 1 person

    • KaelenRhy says:

      I really appreciate you Nicci. I don’t expect to agree w/everyone all the time. I do hope for people to respect that I’m doing my best. I’m hurt and tired and on hiatus from twitter for a few days until I stop tearing up thinking about it. I can’t be anything BUT me. XOXO

      Liked by 1 person

      • Mischa Eliot says:

        What Nicci said.. Keep being you. That’s how you find the people who truly care for you. They can handle a disagreement, they can even handle an argument. Those are your true friends. People who would rather keep talking with you, working with you, rather than let something get in the way of friendship and perhaps become more open-minded over time.

        Like

      • KaelenRhy says:

        Yeah. It just keeps shocking me the people I had thought about as almost friends who are truly not. One of these days I’ll figure out how to tell.

        Like

      • niccihaydon says:

        Good for you, take a few days away. Twitter gets me down sometimes too, and don’t get me started on Facebook. Just know that not everyone is against you, there are at least some of us who are in your corner.

        I appreciate you, too, Kaelen.

        Liked by 1 person

      • KaelenRhy says:

        ❤ I was advised to apologize, so I have. Now I'm taking the weekend (at least) away. XO and thank you.

        Liked by 1 person

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